Loser with a capital L

So pretty much I'm a failure at life lately. Well, as far as this blog goes. I mean, six months? How did they pass by so quickly? I was doing so well. To be honest, though, I was writing these during my work day... and then I got laid off. There went my built in excuse to surf the internet! I had a hectic couple of days during the first week in July. I quit one job, the next day my housing fell through, the day after I was laid off. What did I do? Grabbed a bottle of whiskey and sat by the pool! What better idea has there ever been? What am I doing now that might cause me to restart the writing process, you might ask? Why of course, I'm still procrastinating! Homework instead of work this time.

The last few months have been an experience. I enjoyed my summer for the first time since I was a child - rafting, hiking, general aimless fun. I also started a new treatment. Shots in the ass, twice a week. Who thought that could turn into a fun and educational experience? Oh wait, it hasn't, it's just become fun to explain to people. "Be right back, I have to go get shot in the ass." Priceless. Graduate school and trying to find work while getting shot in the ass twice a week has not been overly fun, or fruitful, but really, what else can a body do?

Grad school is one of those things that I thought would be my calling. I thought I would be happy, that I would find my niche in life... all that good stuff. Instead, I'm feeling like I'm doing even more aimless wandering than ever before. And going into debt while doing it. So I've begun to ask myself... what is it I want out of life right now?

Answers I've come up with:
1. A job I enjoy (turns out the jobs I succeed at and am credible at are all in the photography business. Ok, karma, you win this time. I never pursued photography, it's just something I do. Now it seems I am going to try and pursue it... I'll let you know how it goes.)
2. Time to be with friends (this has become increasingly difficult as I add more and more to the schedule)
3. Time to work out and go to a gym or yoga classes (though I'm in near constant pain, self inflicted pain via exercise somehow makes that all better)
4. Get healthy (an overall general goal that I will probably never accomplish, but would love to some day achieve)
5. Be content in my own skin (something I feel like I once was, but cannot find in myself anymore. I'm hoping this changes as I stop my aimless wandering and begin to find what I want to do.)
6. Get a pet, have time to train them (I'm talking to my appliances. Is there a better reason to get a pet?)
7. Experience Portland more before someday leaving (I love Portland, I love the randomness that is Portland, but I probably won't be here forever. Go forth and multiply. Or live long and prosper. Whatever your slogan is.)
8. Meet the mechanic who posts such inspiring quotes such as "Never rationalize what feels wrong." Right, you're thinking the same thing as me.... a mechanic? really? Apparently they're deep here in Portland.

I'm think I'm done with this rant, but hopefully this will kick start my butt back into writing... I like looking back at what I've written on this page... it's kind of fun and I'm not such a bad writer. When I can spell. Apologies now.