Well, it's been a little while. I wish I could say it was because I was lazy, but it's actually the opposite - I've been working my ass off for work. It's been a crazy week, I went on my first real first date (ie, you haven't known the person for years and it was an actual 'get to know you' kind of thing). Too say I was nervous would be putting it mildly. I had the classic girl freak out about what to wear. Nothing calms you down quite like your mother and her golfing buddies suggesting you wear fishnets, stilettos and pasties. First, how the hell do you even put on fishnets? Don't they get stuck on your toes trying to pull them on? And stilettos... shit I trip over my feet when there's nothing on them, let alone heels of death. And pasties.... are just strange. Needless to say, it was a fun, good, albeit awkward time. I'm apparently a very awkward person.
Anyway, today has just been one of those days. Actually, I have those days all the time, so it's really just one of those lives. I got the results of my EEG back, I apparently have an earthquake in my head. There's an epicenter in the middle that is building tension and creating seizures when it breaks. I even saw the brainwaves for it. It doesn't have anything to do with the rest of my 'quirks,' so I'm having a rip-roaring good year. My neurologist was wondering why I reacted so well to the news that I will be on anti-seizure medication indefinitely. Really, it's just another thing on the list. Kaci decided I was probably a mass murderer in another life - I'm hoping for Genghis Khan. Or, someone out there has really awesome luck and they need to send me a thank you note. So do it. Now. And maybe a gift card or something. Preferably to a book store.
It's been a rough couple of days, but for some reason, the godforsaken light bulb is what threw me over the edge. More like found the biggest canyon in the world and just shoved me over the edge. So about ten minutes before I have guests coming, not one, but two of the lights in my apartment go out. I only have like five, so this is a big deal for me. Anyway, I finally got the chance to run to the hardware store, which I did earlier today, got a couple bulbs and replaced the lights. As I am putting in the track light that went out, the one next to it starts to flicker.... and then goes out. So as I'm swearing at the light in my kitchen, I nearly fell off the chair... and I realize that in the grand scheme of things, it's a freaking light bulb, I have much bigger problems to worry about. But for some reason, I have no idea why, that's what set me off today. So I hiked my ass back to the hardware store, got yet another $8 light bulb and replaced the damn thing.
So now me, my lumpy head with an earthquake inside and my fully lit apartment are going to bed. Did I mention I replaced three bulbs in an apartment I'll only be in for another three or four weeks? That sort of irks me too.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Borderline
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems to be going right? I frequently have them, so it's just standard. If there's a cute guy in the room, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll make an ass of myself. I'm the girl that falls out of her chair in class while staring. Never on purpose, it just seems that I draw the short straw. These comical shortcomings are just that - comical. If you can't laugh at yourself, how do you expect someone to take you seriously?
I didn't actually mean to get on that tangent, but it seems as though that's a good way to start. I'm having one of those days were I'm on the border of a bad mood. I'm tired, I'm in pain, I have a headache and I really just don't want to do anything. I think it's worse when you can feel your mood tipping. If you wake up in a bad mood, you have the excuse of waking up on the wrong side of the bed (I'm weird, but I've always thought of this as the left side of the bed, because if you woke up on the right side of the bed... well you get the picture, I've already admitted to being terrible at word association games). Unfortunately, my schedule doesn't want to cooperate. It knows no breaks, doesn't care that you have a headache. It doesn't do the dishes when you're too lazy or tired to do them after a long day of work. Jerk. I sometimes wish I had one of those really big Hobart dishwashers that act as a car wash for dishes. That's beside the point. How exactly do you stop from slipping into a bad mood? I'm in pain to the point that I can't stop moving and I've probably freaked out my coworkers with my cubicle yoga moves.
A lot of people just bitch about it and sit on their butt. I'm not going to lie, I do that at times. However, if you can force yourself to do something (like cubicle yoga) without alerting others to your almost bad mood, it will bring you out of it. By the way, never talk to my mother if you're in a borderline bad mood. She's an interesting person, one of those 'well it could always be worse!' types. If you tell her about one thing that is stressing you out, don't worry, she'll think of 50 more to nag you about just in case you forgot. I told my dad once that she should never become a motivational speaker and he said that besides having ADD, she's more of a 'put duct tape on it then rip it off' kind of mother than the 'put a band aid on it and pat your head' kind. Sometimes, I really just need a band aid. A Superman one. Not a littany of the million other things that are being put on hold in favor of the current crisis. That's one thing I've noticed about myself in the last year - things that wouldn't have bothered me before have become daily crises. However, the fabulous thing about a memory problem is that by the next hour or so, you completely forgot what the crisis was about.
Today I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. This is due to my crazy monster dreams on the sleeping medication. I keep having dreams that someone has snuck into my apartment and is running a finger down my back. It's got me triple-checking my doors like a crazy person. Add to it a dreary day in cubicle land and it's just a bad match for productivity. I would almost be better served picking my nose and staring into space. Although I do feel better complaining for a little while, and let's face it, life could be worse - I could have to deal with this woman on a daily basis: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/may/24/meme-roth-obesity-nutrition.
I didn't actually mean to get on that tangent, but it seems as though that's a good way to start. I'm having one of those days were I'm on the border of a bad mood. I'm tired, I'm in pain, I have a headache and I really just don't want to do anything. I think it's worse when you can feel your mood tipping. If you wake up in a bad mood, you have the excuse of waking up on the wrong side of the bed (I'm weird, but I've always thought of this as the left side of the bed, because if you woke up on the right side of the bed... well you get the picture, I've already admitted to being terrible at word association games). Unfortunately, my schedule doesn't want to cooperate. It knows no breaks, doesn't care that you have a headache. It doesn't do the dishes when you're too lazy or tired to do them after a long day of work. Jerk. I sometimes wish I had one of those really big Hobart dishwashers that act as a car wash for dishes. That's beside the point. How exactly do you stop from slipping into a bad mood? I'm in pain to the point that I can't stop moving and I've probably freaked out my coworkers with my cubicle yoga moves.
A lot of people just bitch about it and sit on their butt. I'm not going to lie, I do that at times. However, if you can force yourself to do something (like cubicle yoga) without alerting others to your almost bad mood, it will bring you out of it. By the way, never talk to my mother if you're in a borderline bad mood. She's an interesting person, one of those 'well it could always be worse!' types. If you tell her about one thing that is stressing you out, don't worry, she'll think of 50 more to nag you about just in case you forgot. I told my dad once that she should never become a motivational speaker and he said that besides having ADD, she's more of a 'put duct tape on it then rip it off' kind of mother than the 'put a band aid on it and pat your head' kind. Sometimes, I really just need a band aid. A Superman one. Not a littany of the million other things that are being put on hold in favor of the current crisis. That's one thing I've noticed about myself in the last year - things that wouldn't have bothered me before have become daily crises. However, the fabulous thing about a memory problem is that by the next hour or so, you completely forgot what the crisis was about.
Today I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. This is due to my crazy monster dreams on the sleeping medication. I keep having dreams that someone has snuck into my apartment and is running a finger down my back. It's got me triple-checking my doors like a crazy person. Add to it a dreary day in cubicle land and it's just a bad match for productivity. I would almost be better served picking my nose and staring into space. Although I do feel better complaining for a little while, and let's face it, life could be worse - I could have to deal with this woman on a daily basis: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/may/24/meme-roth-obesity-nutrition.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Are You Happy with Your Life? Circle Yes or No.
I think one of the most inane questions a doctor's office can ever ask you is "are you happy with your life?" Would I be in the freaking doctor's office if I was? The questionnaire had "yes" or "no" that you could circle. I decided not to circle either, but instead wrote "this is a relative question" along the bottom. Apparently, no one has thought to question the validity of this question (yes, I know, how many more times can I say question?). The nurses and receptionists cackled for five minutes over my answer, but I'm not sure this is a new concept. Is there really someone out there who can honestly check "yes" or "no" when asked if they're totally happy with their life? I would like to meet this person and then check them into the nearest mental hospital because obviously they are delusional. Not that I don't think people can be genuinely satisfied with their lives, but as an overarching theme, life isn't rainbows and butterflies all the time. Why would one of the most popular phrases in English be "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Butterflies don't kill. To the best of my knowledge, as long as you don't find the scary little man at the end of the rainbow, they won't kill you either.
What is the definition of happiness anyway? For me, contentment sometimes means complacency, happiness is but a moment, and trials are just plain bad luck. However, in order to have bad luck you must also have good luck, it's just logical, therefore bad luck will eventually turn around. I've met people for whom happiness is a fat bank account or a nice car or house. Happiness is succeeding in a job or as a parent. Not to be a pessimist, but these are all relative as well. Someone will always have a nicer house or more money (except of course Bill Gates or Warren Buffett). Whether or not you're good at a job or as a parent is pretty subjective.
I think instead you have to hold on to the moments that make you smile. A first kiss, a promotion, a laughing child. Everyday things. Something as simple as someone who loves you telling you so can make your day. The flip side is, you're going to have to deal with that jerk in traffic or a stubbed toe or people you feel are stupid. There's quite a few out there. I have a bad habit of becoming melancholy which is really just forgetting your good moments. For now, the fact that the cable guy asked me if I 'wanna go for a ride' will make me smile for at least a week.
What is the definition of happiness anyway? For me, contentment sometimes means complacency, happiness is but a moment, and trials are just plain bad luck. However, in order to have bad luck you must also have good luck, it's just logical, therefore bad luck will eventually turn around. I've met people for whom happiness is a fat bank account or a nice car or house. Happiness is succeeding in a job or as a parent. Not to be a pessimist, but these are all relative as well. Someone will always have a nicer house or more money (except of course Bill Gates or Warren Buffett). Whether or not you're good at a job or as a parent is pretty subjective.
I think instead you have to hold on to the moments that make you smile. A first kiss, a promotion, a laughing child. Everyday things. Something as simple as someone who loves you telling you so can make your day. The flip side is, you're going to have to deal with that jerk in traffic or a stubbed toe or people you feel are stupid. There's quite a few out there. I have a bad habit of becoming melancholy which is really just forgetting your good moments. For now, the fact that the cable guy asked me if I 'wanna go for a ride' will make me smile for at least a week.
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