I smell like old people

I finally managed to get a doctor to call me back and I landed at the hospital again today for an EEG. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't to be covered in waxy goo that smells like a stale nursing home. Apparently, once you're all hooked up, people enjoy taking pictures and sending them to relatives. The woman conducting my test kept asking if I wanted a picture. I've been trying to figure out since then what exactly people are thinking when they take a picture of themselves hooked to 30+ electrodes with waxy goo and red oil pencil marks all over their head. I felt like an alien, so I suppose that could be a draw, but I felt absolutely no need to even look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I fell asleep.

The technical term for the test is sleep deprived EEG, so naturally you would think that they expect you to fall asleep during the test. But she kept waking me up! What's up with that? The test lady was the talkative sort, so I quickly found out that I share a birth date with her youngest daughter. I also found out that I have one of the thickest heads of hair that she's seen in a while so of course the wax and papers got stuck in my hair where they stayed until about a half hour ago. Actually, despite 30 minutes of scraping my scalp with a fine toothed comb and using all my hot water, I still have wax in my hair. No more paper though.

But the cherry on the top of the banana split was when she told me that I should never go bald - it would just be a scary sight. Why? Because I have the lumpiest head she's ever seen while doing these tests in her 33 years of experience. Lumpy! Despite everything, despite the fact that I was scared shitless hooked up to a machine analyzing my brain by myself, I had to start laughing. I know I have an extremely lumpy head, I'm clumsy, I run into stuff all the time. I knocked myself out with a fire hydrant once. A fat kid another time. It's a long story.